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Relationships make life worth living. They greatly influence the overall wellbeing of a person. One often hears people talking of relationships gone sour. Of relationship that have lost the zing. Some even talk of ending the relationship. What one needs to remember that no relationship goes sour over night.

It is a process that can be controlled if the symptoms are identified, acknowledged and sorted out. However, if things are left unattended to and one lets the emotions get out of control, it becomes difficult if not impossible for the individual to identify and realistically assess all the options that he or she has of dealing with his or her troubles.

Some tell tale signs to look out for:

You may find yourself revisiting the past often. Memories of arguments that you have had a long time ago will begin to haunt you. You will find yourself resurrecting old hurts, crying a lot, or becoming consumed with anger. Those responses are capable of turning small problems into big ones and can be instrumental in making you lose all perspective.

You begin to constantly find faults with your partner. You don’t seem to see any of the qualities that brought the two of you together fading away. He or she just doesn’t seem to be the same person you got into a relationship with.

Regularity and frequency of fights and arguments seems to be the only conclusion that any conversation between the partners can lead to.

Patience and love have been replaced by contempt and resentment.

You just don’t feel the need to resolve their problems and misunderstandings or even communicate with each other.

You do not feel the need for intimacy. In fact it won’t be an overstatement to say that from lovers they have transformed into roommates.

You try to avoid each other consciously. And if by chance they happen to be together they do not find anything to talk about.

One of you or both of you find yourself/ yourselves getting attracted to others.

In some cases people become over indulging in drugs/ alcohol or other such things.

Is the mutual respect you have for each other intact? Do you give each other space and respect each other’s boundaries. Or are you constantly pushing and challenging each other.

Does your partner want to control you? If the answer is yes, then it is a dangerous sign. Because, mutual respect and growth are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.

If you spot any one or more of these problems in your relationship the first thing to do is to understand and acknowledge the problem. The best way to do this is to open the doors of communication. And the thing to remember is that you are communicating to discuss and not to confront.

Do not engage in playing the blame game. Look at the situation with honesty and objectivity, instead of pointing fingers at each other.

Do not be rigid. Be open and flexible to change and be ready to make some compromises.

Get involved with your interests and hobbies and encourage your partner to be a part of the process.

Spend quality time together. These things are so important for developing closeness. It forms a firm foundation for your relationship.

Sangita Kanjilal


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